Editor’s Note: What would the sharpest critics of the past make of today’s political theater? To find out, we used artificial intelligence to imagine how historical commentators would review current events. The following is an AI-generated commentary on the recent movement by Christian nationalists to “rededicate” the United States to God, written in the cynical, unmistakable voice of H.L. Mencken.
To the dedicated student of the American political carnival, the recent spectacle of “rededicating” the Republic to the Almighty offers a masterclass in the audacity of the ruling class. One must stand in quiet awe of the sheer, unadulterated brass it takes to gaze upon a secular republic and boldly claim it as a divine fiefdom.
Anyone burdened with a passing knowledge of verifiable history understands that the framers of this government deliberately avoided dedicating the enterprise to a supreme being. The Constitution itself remains blissfully silent on the matter of the Divine , and the Treaty of Tripoli explicitly, legally assured the globe that the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.
Yet, the charlatans currently parading across the national stage would have the booboisie believe otherwise. Lacking a legal foundation, they reach back to the 17th-century Puritans—a gloomy sect heavily steeped in a method of reading the Bible where they borrowed the identity of ancient Israel to make their own trans-Atlantic migration feel important. The modern nationalist demands we believe that when a European chaplain planted a wooden cross on the beach at Cape Henry in 1607, he somehow legally and spiritually bound the God of Israel to a future democratic republic. It requires a leap of logic so massive it borders on the athletic.
But one must look past the theological pageantry to see the true mechanics of power at play. When a nation is rededicated to a God who resides in a far away Heaven, that God functions politically as an “absent owner”. An absent owner, naturally, requires earthly management.
This entire spectacle of rededication is nothing more than a grandiose job application. By claiming the nation belongs exclusively to God, these political factions conveniently position themselves as the sole legitimate interpreters of His will. It is a brilliant rhetorical maneuver. They fuse their own highly specific, partisan agenda with a divine mandate. Once the transaction is complete, any citizen who dares to oppose their tax policies or legal appointments is no longer simply a voter with a different opinion ; they are framed as an enemy of God and an agent of spiritual darkness.
The public, as always, is invited to bow their heads in reverence, blissfully unaware that the earthly proxies are busy picking their pockets.
Tom & Nancy Cook 
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